Am I a “Race Traitor?”

Dear Diary,

Link: Interracial Relationships/Multi-Raciality

Recently at a #notyourasiansidekick twitter event, Juliet Shen asked the question “how does being in an inter-ethnic/interracial relationship tie into all this?” and the panel went off. I considered the question myself and how I would have answered it. Like Suey Park, I too have been called a race traitor because I almost exclusively dated white men in the past. In a different post I spoke to the origin of why I made that decision. Because I didn’t entirely belong in either the Asian or American community anyway, I often felt alone. I think the issue of being labeled as a “race traitor” applies to different groups but I almost feel its worse for women, because where women are often seen as giving, men are often seen as taking.

My mother (an Asian woman) was with a white man and it did not work out. Her family never let her hear the end of it. My father would eventually have left my mother before I was born but even to this day, I hear mumbles of the “mistakes” she made. My uncle for example once told my mom the reason she was in the position she was in is because she chose to be with a white man, betraying the race and therefore gets everything that came to her. To my uncle, my mom was a race traitor and my father leaving her was the consequence of her being naive enough to think he would stay with her or really cared for her. Years later I’m sure my family felt that fate brought me to repeat the “mistakes” of my past. Like her, my white exes did not show the commitment to me and I felt my relationships with them were often novelty for them (they dated an asian to say they dated one), with an over-emphasis on sex, but nothing that would endure. It is really difficult living in a culture within a culture that communicates conflicting messages. Whereas we are socialized to view white as superior and what we should aspire to be, we are told that it’s a fools errand to think we can dare dream such a dream. The words “who do you think you are?” comes to mind. In the end, I doubt I have the respect of either communities given the choices made.

As the socializing forces continue to influence how we view what is “desirable,” I predict we will continue to have an influx of “race traitors.”



9 thoughts on “Am I a “Race Traitor?”

  1. It’s not a difficult concept to grasp. Simply, if one aids and abets white supremacy while devaluing one’s own racial heritage for one’s own benefit, then one is perpetuating the stereotype that so-called “whiteness” is the norm and that any departure from this standard is somehow inferior. So there is somehow an inherent unconscious bias there for personal gain. That then would classify one as a race traitor. But utilising one’s financial status by taking advantage of “white privilege” and the so-called honorary “white” status applied to East Asians to affect social change within your own community to at least make an effort to engage with other Asian nationalities may not necessarily constitute disloyalty. If the goal, however was deliberately to enhance one’s position with a particular group to the detriment of your own racial heritage, then that would raise some questions as to the ulterior motive. White supremacy has to be kept in check where racist attitudes and behaviours can be identified where it is likely to be politically incorrect. Also, racist attitudes and behaviours are not unique to any particular group but it tends to be more overtly expressed in certain Asian groups.

    Again, as you’ve stated that you’ve struggled with trying to find your identity, it will continue to be a constant struggle for that acceptance. The reason for that is because of inherent cultural differences as well as the unconscious biases and prejudice between the two racial groups. Both groups remain staunch followers of their identity and adhere strongly to their traditional roots, and that won’t change anytime soon, because there’s no desire for change. Thus, you continue to struggle to find acceptance. It’s more than just about race, it’s become more of an ideological one in terms of the direction the Jews and Christians in this country wish to take.

    Every individual has their own belief system and principles that guides their moral decision-making, depending on their race, age, gender, religion, political affiliation and socio-economic status in society that influences the choices they make, and there’s usually a line that most refuse to cross.


  2. What the other comment said. If you’re​ “preferences” are anything like Anna’s, you’re not a feminist and definitely fall under the race traitor category.


  3. Pingback: Why did I share this E-diary? – The Publication of the Private Diaries of an Asian American Girl Growing up in America

  4. First, a brief explanation. Came across this through looking for white man and ethnic women stuff on Reddit. Mostly porn and captions to stroke my ego, if I’m honest. Specifically for drawn depictions of interracial sex of white men with whatever non-white women out there except for white, furry, alien, etc. While I’m not entirely new to the concept of race play and definitely not of shoving my fat white cock into ethnic women either for sport or for permanent roommate situation, the perspective I’m used to is of a white male as that is what I am and my only prerequisite for male/female porn. No dark-skinned guys at all, ideally with a similar cock to my own as to help the fantasy idea of imagining it’s me there. Identity is a thing and it applies there for me. Now that I’ve given a little background info to serve as a sort of lube for my thoughts, onto the main course, eh?

    We, humans in a social environment meaning almost every one, has our unique perspectives, experiences, and preferences that contribute to our lives in the largest way. I’m a white man in America. That is my base and basis of understanding my world. If any of those three things were different, there would be a huge shift in my life from present, I have little doubt. It might be largely perception of me on those topics (like being a white man in Nigeria, a black woman in Norway, etc.) but still the point is that I am what I am so that’s the basis for me. Being an Asian girl living in the US with a thing for dating white men, there’s only so much I can relate to and my knowledge of the racial and familiar standards and cultures are very much undefined. From my perspective, I don’t see how feeling a certain attraction to certain traits, including race, would be an inner struggle at all and I can only half understand the social pressures. I was talking with my dad about school and dating when I was wrapping up high school or just starting college when he mentioned to me that my step-brother was dating an Asian girl he met at ETSU and planned on bringing her around to meet his family, including my dad. The way my dad was talking about it made it clear he didn’t care too much for the idea so I asked questions. Come to find out his main problem was the assumption the relationship wouldn’t last because of their ages and short time dating. I had the suspicion there was more to it though so I delved a little deeper and I would guess there was some, for lack of a better term confusion, about why my step-brother would date an Asian girl to begin with. This was fucking rich to me. My dad and I are very different in a lot of ways. I’m slightly taller than him at 6’1″ to his 6′, he’s always had thin straight, black hair while mine is thick, forms ringlets when it’s longer, and is not quite black but so brown it looks black at first glance. I’m also heavy-set while he’s thin and in shape. My step-brother, or hell, the whole damn family, is tiny. Step-brother himself is only 5’6″, and his dad is maybe 5’8″. Most interesting to note though that while I’m able to be charming and get called cute and all that shit I have very limited dating experience while my dad is clearly a horny bastard and was dating, living with, and obviously fucking a black woman for a few years of my childhood while my parent were divorced. I remember Peggy just fine and she didn’t like me. The reason I was told was because I wasn’t hers and she seemed to want a kid or two with my dad. My dad, who was with a black woman for a few years of my childhood, was wondering why my step-brother would get with an Asian girl. There’re more details I could get into, of course, but that’s a little taste of the surface. A nice glazing. At that time, I had only 1 relationship under my belt and it was with a white girl. Since then I’ve “collected” others. Short term things I knew wouldn’t last long but there’s some interesting diversity with a half Filipino/half white girl and a couple of half black/half white girls. Anyway, I asked my dad during this conversation “what if I brought home a black girl?” His response was very similar to Robert DeNiro’s character in A Bronx Tale when his son asks pretty much the same thing: “why would you date a black girl?”

    Does me being interested in fucking the rainbow coalition of women, or being interested in a diverse woman in my life make *me* a race traitor? What if I add into it the idea of a little race play? I don’t think it makes me anything. I have no stake in “defending the white race” or any of that rhetoric. Nothing would make me happier than to bust a nut on and in a harem of ethnically diverse women until they were pregnant and lactating and somehow I’m independently wealthy with a ‘fuck you’ amount of money to my name and I get to lick honey off them, spill more seed than a guy with Parkinson’s at the Department of Agriculture, and just generally live the sort of life people write erotica about and shove that in some ‘true believers’ face. BDSM and kinky sex and everything.

    That sort of stuff combines what I’d like with sheer fantasy level of desire but maybe the point came across. You, Asian girl presumably named Anna, are not betraying or being traitorous to your race. You may experience social pressure due to customs, cultural views, and social cues, but you are your own person same as I am. I am not a feminist and despise the word based on a lot of the rhetoric and such, but I do firmly believe that men and women are not the same but that doesn’t have anything to do with superior or inferior. I will not be telling anyone what to do unless it’s my job to do so. I don’t like white women that jump on the whole “BBC 4ever” train. Most of those women I wouldn’t fuck with if given the opportunity regardless, and that’s tempered with a ‘fuck ’em’ attitude as well. I am who and what I am and there’s no benefit to lamenting about the handful of hotties that fuck the blacks/latinos/whatever specifically. Those white women are not race traitors, though they might be sluts/whores/village bicycles. Fuck who you want when you want and enjoy it. I’d sheath my porn sword in you if you were into it based on the one photo I saw at the bottom of the article above. But if you’re not interested, there are others that are and that’s that.


  5. Wow, you look more Asian than mixed. If I were to met you for the first time, I would have probably mistaken you as Asian. It’s interesting how a mixed Irish-Japanese woman like you can be full blown Asian.

    Yes, you’re a race traitor. Dating exclusively Whites is the main reason. However, I like to include that your birth is also the reason you’re considered a race traitor. Your father is Irish and your mother is Japanese. By definition to some Asians, your mom is already a race traitor for going out the Japanese group. You, asianamericangfonskype, represents a manifestation of your mom’s traitorous decision to go out of the Japanese group. However, your mom can always be accepted back into the Japanese group because she is full Japanese. You, on the other hand, probably will have a more difficult time because of your mixed heritage. To them, you would probably be considered a disgrace and a big fat mistake. This justifies them taking out their anger and frustration on you.

    However, don’t let them discourage you. You had no control over your mom’s action. You have your own life and you do whatever you want, even if it means dating and giving sex exclusively to Whites only. The Asian community will be fine with or without you.

    I do find your uncle amusing. Usually, Asian brothers will show affection towards their sisters’ kids. Did he ever get to know your father before your parents got married and had you? Does he ever interact with you or talk to you? Is he nice to you? Does he stay in touch with you?

    Do you have any siblings? One more thing, do you keep in touch with your mom? And how’s everything between you and your mom?


    • LoL – That’s not me. You can call me Apple. I like your comment about me being an individual as opposed to representing the Asian race. For some reason many people can’t see that we can make our own choices and all the history and baggage associated with race gets attached to girls who make decision to date someone of a different race – and haters feel justified in calling them names and insulting them. I don’t think my uncles knew my father. My parents didn’t get married and I don’t know my father. I have no immediate siblings but I have a step family. I don’t talk to them that much but at functions or once in a blue moon we do say hi.

      I do talk to my mother maybe once in a blue moon. We are not very close. We argued over a lot of things and she is quite a disapproving person – especially for some of the choices I have made that she knows about.


      • WHAAATTT?!!! That’s not you!? For sure, I thought that was you in the photo. I’ve been deceived by you. Now I’m starting to question if you’re really who you are or not. For the sake of staying consistent, I’ll just play along and pretend that you’re a mixed Irish-Japanese woman with an Irish father who left and a Japanese mother who raised you alone. In addition, you also have inferior feelings towards yourself and an unhealthy obsession for Whites. At the same time, you have an Asian boyfriend while having a long history of being used sexually by Whites. Yep, I think that about sums up everything.


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