No Love from my own Community

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March 9

Dear Diary,

I’ve spent a week trying to connect with the online asian american community, addressing topics that matter to us and I get nothing but criticism because of  my views. Tom told me that i would be better embraced here on tumblr as there is a community of like minded individuals. I hope so.

I tried advertising my work on reddit in the asian american forum and look at the type of response I get…apparently i am “deeply disturbed”, as if I am the only one who feels the way I do.

11 thoughts on “No Love from my own Community

  1. I saw your post on Reddit and I have the say, the Reddit Asian group community is filled with so much void and hate, it’s not a good place to discuss issues. They hold a very me against you attitude and if a user expressed some neautrality, they are attacked. I see sexism in their rants calling Asian woman race traitors and making them work harder to explain themselves.

    I subscribed because I thought I could get a good discussion like I do on other political subreddits but it has really become an echo chamber of hate.

    I hope this doesn’t discourage you, the way I see it, the subreddits there is only a a small tiny piece of the whole community.

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  2. You’re still fragile about your breakup? You can rise again and soar sooo high! Even though it all seems hopeless NOW, you WILL love again someday Alice. I really think you’re strong enough and I believe in you. You’re a super duper person, and this pain of breakup does not define who you really are. You’re special. All is not lost, Alice. You can rise again and soar sooo high!

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  3. I don’t find that Reddit comment you posted particularly hateful. Having looked through your Tumblr a bit, I think it’s fair to say that you seem to have some cognitive dissonance. I would like to hear you address this point more, as you do talk about social factors that influenced you while simultaneously posting the same kind of stuff that every Tumblr raceplay blog has. Which I think is fine, because it’s natural to feel conflicted about it. But I guess the question is, what exactly are you looking for when you say that you’re trying to start a conversation about these topics? Do you think there’s a way to resolve the contradiction? Or does it just feel good to have an outlet to express your views?

    Also, on an unrelated note, I just want to point out that large parts of your site still have the default template text in them, in case you haven’t noticed yet.

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    1. I don’t think my thoughts are inconsistent. Just because I understand the cause of a situation doesn’t mean I can undue its effects. It is like an alcoholic who understands that drinking is negatively affecting his/her life but continues to drink anyway. Or a smoker, or a drug user, etc. Also I don’t think my Tumblr is the same as the other “raceplay” blogs and I specifically address this issue in some of my postings. Specifically, for me, it’s a reality/world view not a kink. In addition, Much of my blog reflects my experiences and perspectives on issues rather than mere porn blogging. Every reblog I do captures pieces of my thoughts as well. Finally, after joining the tumblr community I have been able to engage in much discussion and have received a lot of support from the community which includes men and women, Asian, white, etc. Many have reached out to me to tell me they too feel this way or gave advice given that they have experienced what I have before. We engage in discussion concerning the practicality of their advice. It is not meant to resolve contradiction, which I don’t feel there is any, but rather a place to converse our views and through the community recognize we are not alone and don’t need to struggle in isolation.

      Finally, yes I do realize some parts of the blog is still in its default template, but I don’t know how to change it and it doesn’t seem to be a critical part of the blog so i just left it. Thanks.

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    2. I think we probably have a lot of the same thoughts and feelings, and I agree that you can’t undo the effects. It’s a really sensitive subject for a lot of people, though, so I don’t know that linking people to a Tumblr called ‘azngrl4whitegods’ with a lot of raceplay content on it makes it clear that you are posting in good faith and looking for a serious discussion. I spend more time than I should on raceplay Tumblrs, but I imagine it would be pretty horrifying to the average Asian American to see these kinds of things. Anyways, I’m glad you have found people on Tumblr to have this discussion with.

      I think the weird default things are called Widgets. There’s a link to edit them in one of the widgets: https://wordpress.com/customize/.

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  4. You don’t get love from your community b/c you are looking for support to your selfish cheating on your boyfriend b/c you are a pathetic selfish bitch. You always will be.

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    1. J –

      You’re out of line – no woman should be called a bitch. You know little about her so you are in no position to pass judgement. She’s sharing, and asking others to share – all you are doing is causing others to pause before they decide to share also. Try being constructive, or just move on.

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  5. I have a different perspective, I think. For context I am a white Jewish east coast guy, and well educated. And I definitely have a thing for Asian girls even though my wife is as American as they come.

    I get the whole race play thing, but that is just what it is – play. Something else causes the attraction. Facial features are softer, yet better defined. Asians have better dietary habits so more often are lean and they tend to stay in physical shape. They age well. And because they are not physically overbearing, it is misconstrued that they can be – want to be -dominated.

    They care about relationships – family, co-workers and friends. And about friends: they don’t collect friends so they have a lot of them. They cultivate friendships so they are real and meaningful. They will do anything they can for those they truly care about, and I think that sometimes that incorrectly (by those who don’t understand) pick that up as being subservient.

    And they care about education. They push themselves to be always advancing, always getting better.

    Here in the Northeast, you don’t see Asian girls with white guys so much as you see them with Jewish guys. We love everything about Asian girls: the looks and the way they show love and care. But we know they also make us better. They tap into our potential and help us strive. It becomes a partnership.

    Now don’t get me wrong. The play time is a hell of a lot of fun. Asian girls are more adventurous, willing to explore their inner kink. White women just want to be pampered, and as white guys realize this we sour on white women. Asian women are right there as a better alternative – because they are exotic, confident and sexual.

    Why do Asian women desire white guys? After all, this dynamic doesn’t work if the preference (desire) didn’t go both ways. My views are based on discussions I’ve had with Asian women I have known intimately. From an attraction perspective, we are different and that by itself is alluring (just as guys find Asian women – it goes both ways). But I also think a white guy open to an interracial relationship is fundamentally more interesting than an Asian guy only looking for an Asian girl, and looking to have a traditional relationship. Asian women want the best of everything: knowledge, fashion, travel experiences, relationships. And they have already figured out they need to go beyond their own personal and cultural experiences in order to get the best. They are simply exploring.

    Given all this, if there were a reset button and I could take a path different than the one I’ve been on, I would definitely have chosen an Asian partner to marry. As it is, I have two Asian partners that I am fortunate to have in my life, and I am such a better person as a result of these relationships.

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