I came across a post on reddit by a self described “white washed” Asian girl who pretty much summed up a lot of how I feel to a tee.
She says: “…..of the men i have dated/involved myself with, they’ve been white. and even currently i am very interested in a white male at school. though in all of these instances (from me being interested in someone, to being involved with someone), i always felt a sense of inferiority. i always thought “they could be with some white girl who is nicer, with nicer facial features, a better body, more social and outgoing, more culturally similar…they’d never choose boring, plain me”. do you think this could be self-hate or racism against myself? or just low self-esteem? i have no problems with interracial dating for the record, but from a cultural standpoint i don’t think i’d ever feel “equal” in the relationship and i don’t know why i feel this.”
I can relate to her feelings of inferiority because no matter how hard we try – we can bleach our hair, our skin, wear the JC and A&F clothes – at the end of the day we will never be seen as pure white or accepted as such by our white partners (especially the blonde hair blue eyes), I’ve discussed this issue in much depth in the past, see here (https://asianamericangfonskype.wordpress.com/2017/03/05/self-hatred/) and here (https://asianamericangfonskype.wordpress.com/2017/04/29/why-am-i-dating-an-asian-guy-if-i-have-such-an-attraction-for-whites/). While I meet many nice white guys who tell me they are different and that I just dated assholes, I can’t tell you how many times dejavu occurs and history repeats. It really got old and no its not just an immaturity thing with age, I’ve dated older and younger guys. Sure there are a few exceptions (e.g., Mark Zuckerburg and his Asian wife) but they are not the norm but rather outliers when it does occur. It’s like the lottery, most people lose but there may be some winners. These winners are not reflective of the norm.
I think people often kid themselves when they try to act like we live in an egalitarian society. It is quite clear there is a racial hierarchy. It’s no coincidence that even more popular Asians try to “westernize” their features to be better accepted/assimilated into American society.
The problem with a lot of Asian Americans is this model minority myth, that we can be seen as honorary whites when this can never be reality. We will never be accepted as truly American because of how we look. Indeed, we can be born and raised here but will still be seen as the perpetual minority (see here for a discussion https://abagond.wordpress.com/2009/08/21/growing-up-asian-american/).
So we can bleach our hair, listen to all American music, idolize white stars like Britney and Taylor, immerse yourself in American film and media, avoid eating rice in public, date a white guy, but at the end of the day…there is no happy fairy tale ending for us – no white prince to sweep us off our feet and through the alter.
For all of our efforts, the best we can hope for is the privilege to service white cocks and perhaps let them use our warm yellow holes to pump and dump their fat loads. If we can make them happy enough, perhaps we can hold onto the feeling of being close to greatness and prestige a little while longer, maybe let us walk out in public with them arm in arm, and be seen with them… but just know that all good things come to an end. My experiences with my white exes made me realize one thing, my role in life, don’t try to pass off as a diamond when you’ll never be more than a cubic zirconia. Is that the life I really want to live?