Why Am I Dating an Asian Guy if I have such an Attraction for Whites?

Dear Diary,

Once my feelings for white men are known, people are often confused as to why I would be dating an Asian guy now in my life. I get this inquiry often, so this post address that.

In the past, I used to date exclusively white men and wouldn’t even give any other guys the time of day. Unfortunately what I found is that the romance and commitment often faded pretty quickly (i.e., usually after two weeks) with those relationships. While in the first two weeks they would try to woo me, take me to nice restaurants/places, after a while it was just “lets stay in and fuck” either at their house or in cheap motels, eating taco bell.

In retrospect, I felt like the relationships were often treated as a novelty and the focus was just so that they could have sex with a different type of person – a conquest checklist. I did everything I could to make my white exes happy so that we could stay to see the day of maybe living together/wedding bells. My white girlfriend told me that was where I messed up, she says she withholds sex and uses it as a leverage to get what she wants and of course she’s engaged now. Maybe that’s it…..maybe I gave them no incentive to stay since I gave up everything I had… or maybe it’s just that white men, on average, would rather marry a blonde hair blue eyed white woman than someone like me.

I’ve had these talks with many people and the general consensus tends to be, as one white man I recently talked to put it:

“That’s often how it is with Asian girls. We’d generally rather marry white women. But Asian girls can be fun to fuck.”

I know this is not always the case (i’m not trying to paint all white men with a thick brush just saying these are my experiences) and there are exceptions (such as Mark Zuckerberg and his wife – the envy of all asian women as she got the white man to put a ring on it – a rich one at that!), but in general, it seems the whites I dated would rather marry their own. I was once told by an ex he wanted to pass down white traits to his kids and his family did not support interracial marriages so dating around is the best I can hope for in terms of commitment. I get it. Now every time I meet a new guy he tells me he is different, and that i just dated jerks, but 2 weeks later, dejavu and history repeats.

After these experiences, I started dating different people, including my asian boyfriend now. In the end, as much as I have been socialized to be attracted to white, I am also socialized (by Disney movies and the sort) to believe in marriage as the ultimate goal. My asian boyfriend is committed, romantic, sweet and nice. I think he would be able to provide me that.

I was initially bitter over it, why can’t I get the fairy tale ending like the blonde white women? Why do I have to “settle?” But after all this, I realized something, that’s just how the world is. I was delusional to think it would be different for me. I was constantly reminded that Asian women are a dime a dozen and I needed to accept my role in society. I’m not marriage material for the white man, i’m an asian fuckhole for them to use to get off and afterwards they return to their beautiful white families/wives. i have some white guys i talk to now, they remind me that what i need to be looking forward to is not marriage and that’s a fools dream, but rather I should look  forward to big loads of white cum and the satisfaction of pleasing white men. I am starting to come to terms with that.

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13 thoughts on “Why Am I Dating an Asian Guy if I have such an Attraction for Whites?

  1. Pingback: White Washed Asian Americans – The Publication of the Private Diaries of an Asian American Girl Growing up in America

  2. Very interesting. As a Korean American male I have always thought that I didn’t deserve to marry an Asian woman, but this has changed my mind. Well maybe not marriage in the traditional sense, but I want to find a girl I can support financially and love and encourage her to find her own sexual liberation.

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    • Thanks for writing Won. I received your email comment as well, which I will share a part of here:

      “One of the things that I found most interesting was how you talked about having an Asian boyfriend because you don’t deserve a “fairy tale ending.” I found this interesting because other Asian girls who talk about AFWM on Tumblr talk about being with a White man as almost being a right. But from what I am understanding in your post you think you belong with your Asian bf because you aren’t marriage material for a White man? “-

      I say this because I often found the White guys I dated did not want to commit in any long term manner. Often to them it was a fling or a novelty, something to try out. Many of them did not want mixed kids. I gave my bf a shot because he was someone I already knew and we were good friends. He’s very loving and kind and we do talk about the future a lot. It gives me hope there is something beyond just dating for us. 🙂

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  3. That is interesting, the part about mixed kids, because I always thought hapa Asian girls were very attractive. Or is it that White guys are afraid of having a hapa boy or just mixed children in general? I would be interested in what your bf thinks if your relationship continues to evolve. I think about it myself as I consider what I would say/do in a relationship with another Asian girl. Is there a point where you should have this conversation?

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    • They often did not want to have mixed children because of the disadvantages associated with being a minority in America and they did not want their children to have to go through that.

      I’m slightly confused by your ending statements. What do you mean what my bf thinks? Think about what? What conversations?

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      • Sorry meant more for me not your bf… I meant to say that if I enter into a relationship with another Asian girl should I have a conversation with her about our racial status? This is assuming she hasn’t developed an understanding and still thinks that all human beings are equal.

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      • Well if racial status is not a problem for the both of you, then perhaps it’s not necessary to mention. Are you deeply influenced by the social construction of racial hierarchies in America given your minority status? To be fair, I haven’t had such conversations with my boyfriend. I really don’t know how he would take it and I find talking about exes wit your current partner, especially for women, usually leads to negative outcomes.

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      • Yeah that is true, I was just curious. Didn’t mean to pry too much into your personal life. Apologies for that. As for myself… In my mind I have been influenced by the racial hierarchies, but haven’t been publicly vocal about it. Thats why I hope to find someone irl, not just online, to explore it with =)

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      • I think a problem is often when we speak about such issues, we get shunned and criticized and so there’s no forum for our voice. I’m hoping my reddit (www.reddit.com/r/Azngrl4whitegods/ and diary will change that).

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      • Unfortunately I don’t know of any of any other platforms. I think most or either run by angry Asians who are in denial….

        I had a question about your last Tumblr post… you mention that White men seem to always go back to sex, which I don’t deny they do, but you were looking for something deeper…

        I guess for me this paradoxical, because to me it would seem like if White men are superior then they wouldn’t want to commit to someone who wasn’t White. I know this has been my experience when I’ve had the opportunity to date White women before… It was always something “exotic” or fun, but they always went back to dating mostly White guys.

        So I want to affirm what you said in wanting to look for something deeper, but at the same time I can’t help but think that White men don’t care as much about the relationship part and only focus on the physical sex.

        But judging from what you write about Tom that isn’t the case and there must be some White men who are more interested in relationships, but I think they are in the minority.

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      • I definitely think you are right. I guess I was naive to think that possibly my ex may have actually loved me and we could possibly build a future. I mean there are White Male/Asian Female married couples, so I don’t think it’s beyond the realm of possibility. But for me, it hasn’t panned out that way.
        As for Tom, he’s not my bf! lol. He’s a mentor who advised me to go to Tumblr so that I can reach a broader audience. He said I could speak more about my views on White men and experiences with them and I would gain popularity. It was true, but the problem was that my message was lost in the process. I don’t mind sharing my views on sex or even experiences, but the more I did that, the more it became just about sex and people thought that was my motivation for the blog – which it wasn’t. My goal was always to create a community where people like me can safely share our views. Ironically, in the end, my relationship with Tumblr ended up like my past relationship with White men, the focus was just on the sex and not on commitment. This is evident by the fact that despite the fact I have thousands of followers, very few followed me to reddit/Wordpress.

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  4. If you’re coming to terms that what you should get used to is “big loads of white cum and the satisfaction of pleasing white men,” then you should probably let your boyfriend go. I have a feeling that you’re just with him because you could not get a White man. I dare say that you are probably using him for the time being until a better White man comes along and sweep you off your feet into a nice big happy wedding. Poor guy! But I don’t blame you because it’s his responsibility to know the person he’s dating.

    What your White female friend said is true. Men usually lose interest after the first few sex they had with a woman. To those White guys, they’re probably thinking “if this Eurasian chick can give sex so easily, how easy would she give it to the next White guy.” I’m not a White guy but even I understand that they would not be okay with their girlfriends having sex with other guys. That’s a big NO NO! And the more sex a girl has with guys, the lesser valued she is by other guys.

    Your White female friend is right when she leverage sex instead of give sex. Perhaps, you should start doing the same too? Then maybe you can actually get a decent White guy. If all of the White guys that you’ve dated ended up leaving, then perhaps you are the reason they are leaving. They’re leaving because of who you are and how you act. Now if you have actually acted more decently and had more self-respect along with better confidence, then you could actually get a decent White guy. 🙂

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    • That’s more in reference to the expectation I have when dating White guys since they all often ended that way. It may be because I picked the wrong guys, given my reason for picking them in the first place (assimilation, to be seen as moving up sort to speak, normalized to the American standard). Some of my fans have written about this theory before an I can see it.

      I see what you are saying with your final comment. I am trying to do better.

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