Message from “Bumble”:
I did not censor your post. The default setting on WordPress is that I have to authorize each post and I was not by a computer – it is Saturday today, I was out and about! You submitted a post to me, did not get a response within an hour and a half and said I’m censoring you. I am not. Why would I censor you when I have also approved other critics who trolled my site? That being said, it does get old going back and forth with you all. If you truly want to help and are willing to listen, I am. But if you plan to just spam and troll my site with hateful comments, ignoring everything I am saying besides what benefits your argument and making me out to be some White Supremacist villain, then let’s just go our separate ways.
To extend an Olive Branch, I not only shared your comment but made it a public post so everyone who comes to my site can see it. Now I will show you the courtesy of addressing each of your issues one by one.
- You asked me why I am on dating websites when I have a boyfriend? I have only been with my boyfriend for a few months. Before him, the only men I dated were White men and some of them I met through dating websites. I don’t use those websites anymore so I forgot they were even active. I was on these sites prior to writing my blog and trying to participate in the Asian community forums, so it’s not like it’s some elaborate scheme to “troll” your community. That was personal dating and I don’t know what that has to do with my blog anyway.
- You asked why would you put California on YOMYOMF and Plenty of Fish if you lived in Virginia? I don’t even know why this matters but I’ll clarify for the sake of being cordial. I was born and raised in California and moved to Virginia. In fact, it has always said that on my profile
- You said “Mistake number one, your username. Your username “Aznchick4whitegod” literally means worshipping white as a god, you are moderator of a cuckold porn subreddit on Reddit called r/WhiteFever and one of the moderator is literally called u/AsianGirlsLoveTrump and he literally does the same thing you do with the racism, calling women “chinks” and “sex slaves”. You could of choose any username, but you choose to stick with this one.” – Actually the term White god is used in reference to White Hegemony, that is in this society they are seen and promoted as higher up. Even you can concede that races are not treated equally in this country right? If so, why would there need to be a Black Lives Matter movement. Also, that was my username I used in the past when I was dating because, as I freely admitted, I was socialized since birth to be attracted to White Men. As for the subreddit, I received an invitation to join and I just click yes. Had I received an invitation to join the Asian Forums I would have clicked yes too. I am brand new to reddit, I don’t know anything about it. I don’t even know what a moderator entails. Also, the only thing I have ever done there is promote my blog and I don’t know AsianGirlsLoveTrump. If you actually read what I write, I never directly insult Asians, all of my comments and thoughts are about how I feel. I never say Asians are less than Whites, I say the media promotes White as the norm and desirable and that affected my view. More on the username, when I was banned, reddit send me a message telling me I am not allowed to change my username and come back in – that would be violation grounds for barring. So I couldn’t do that, but i did go to my twitter, and change my handle appearance to “Apple” so now when I post that should show up.
- You said: You claim to be a girl who has problems, so do other hapas who post on r/hapas who talk about the same thing you talk about. You aren’t a special snowflake. You spam every Asian subreddit with porn and a generic post about self-hating and expect it to get pass. If you were actual genuine, you could of just posted under a normal username that doesn’t provoke people and spam the subreddit. Comment on other people’s posts and build up a reputation before you post out of nowhere demanding mods to let you post. You would learn a lot by reading other people’s post rather than demanding people reading your advertisements. Every post is a generic answer with a link to somewhere else, a sane person will think you aren’t real and you are just advertising a product. No one wants to read your fanfiction, there is more important stuff.- Again, I am new to both reddit and twitter. I was suffering from basically not being happy dating White men exclusively but having these feelings for them as affected by media socialization. I wrote a diary on it and talked to my friends about how I might connect to a community, they told me I should advertise my work on on these platforms so I did. I don’t make any money off my blog so its not like i’m advertising a product to profit. I did not know that was against the rules or be considered “spamming.” I was advised that the only way I would be heard is if I get my voice out there. You say “other hapas” talk about the same things I do, which is my whole point. My whole life I felt very isolated in how I feel, and all i wanted to do was connect to a community and let others know it’s okay to feel this way, that its not our fault. I was unaware of reddit so unaware of the subreddit. You say my experiences “aren’t special” but that’s kind of my whole point to begin with. I felt isolated and alone with these feelings and did not know there is a community of people that talk about it and I don’t know to this day how to be involved. My experiences are not fan fiction and there were literally thousands of people who wanted to read it on Tumblr, the problem was they only were interested in the sex aspect and I wanted to have real authentic conversation. If i were just promoting hyper sexualization, why would I leave Tumblr and tell people that it was misaligned with my goals. In fact I clearly stated”While Tom had advised me to discuss more about my views on White Men and my sex experiences because he said people would be interested and because doing so would help better reach the people I want to, the side effect was that many readers overly emphasized the sex aspects, and the core purpose of the creation of my public diary may have been lost. In many ways this mirrors my past relationship with White Men, in that the sex became the focus and the commitment faded. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy sex, but I need more than that. So I’m venturing off into the world to find a new outlet that will better serve my needs.”In fact, clearly state the goals of my blog and my whole purpose for writing here: https://azngrl4whitegods.tumblr.com/post/160237106536/im-trying-to-understand-what-youre-trying-to-doIn short, I said“I will elaborate though as I believe it deserves more depth in response. My perspective is very much grounded in a hermeneutical approach view “race” as a social construction, with political and economic forces affecting its reality to the masses. What does it mean to be Asian in American society, is deeply linked with how the media, politics and economy defines it.My goal is to reach people like me and let them know that they are not crazy – or at least if they are – they are among a company of many others. That their viewpoint is shared by many others. I want to create a community for people like us and let them know it’s okay to feel the way they do. I don’t advocate for it (not trying to get people to think like me) or against it (not trying to get people to think differently either), but I understand it. I think of it like what the X-men Mansion is for mutants, a school of acceptance of who you are, without being shunned as a self hater or race traitor as I was shunned when I tried to talk about these deeply personal issues with the Asian American online community.
Being mixed and growing up in America meant that race has been a big part of my entire life, my race and contextual environment impacted me deeply ( and something that shaped my views and actions almost constantly.
So some ask me if you can identify your issues, why not fix them? I think that’s easier said than done. If we could all fix our own problems, nobody would need a therapist! But I’m trying. I made strides towards making myself a happier person. I by no means say I am perfect, I am imperfect like all people and I can only do my best to balance the struggles. I document them in my diary and make them public in hopes others like me can avoid the feelings of isolation I used to.
To reiterate, while I recognize the social injustices and White normalizing factors of society that shaped my views and experiences, this blog is not meant to fix the situation. I honestly don’t know how I could or even if its realistic. This day and age, race relations seem to be getting worse. “Go back to your country” is becoming part of some people’s everyday vocabulary. While laws exist to prevent discrimination based on things like race, it still happens all the time. In fact, people have become even more embolden in their racist view points. Recent lack of desire to cast Asian main leads in shows/films like Iron Fist, Great Wall and Ghost in the Shell despite their highly Asian context further reinforces the cultural influence of “White is Right” or desirable to minority youth – which has an impact on their self esteem and what they will grow to see as attractive or “normal” in life. My story exactly.
Many have even reached out to me and shared with me similar stories and perspectives as mine. Some of them literally told me I’m telling their life story. I’m glad for the people I have been able to help and those that I have touched. We have had really deep and meaningful discussions and those who have allowed me to share them, see:
These in-depth meaningful conversations are the ones I like to have and the reason I created my blog in the first place [not to “White troll or promote White Supremacy as you seem to think I am doing].
- You said “You started off listening to an idiot and linking Asian racist porn left and right, and now you want people to listen to you. People see racist porn, see your provoking username, and your negative fanfiction, why would they want to help you if you going to offend the reader? “- First of all he’s not an idiot. He’s very smart. Secondly, when nobody was wiling to hear my voice, he gave me a platform so that my views could be shared and voice could be heard. Yes he said I had to emphasize my sexual experiences (not fanfic) and my thoughts on White men (not just a porn blog, but what did I think of the pictures, if anything spoke to me), and maybe that was wrong for my goal, but at least he helped me and gave me support. He said I would gain followers and I did. Thirdly, I didn’t “start” off listening to him, I reached out to the Asian community first, there was no sexual content on my blog originally but it’s not like they would listen to me back then either. I was still shunned and banned. So I can either get no support from the Asian community or support from a White guy, who told me to emphasize my sex life but he guaranteed it would reach more readership and he was right. It was misaligned and when I realized that, I stopped. People make mistakes you know, not everyone is perfect. If I was just promoting hypersexualism as you say I am, why would I stop?
- You can do your thing on Gab.ai but it’s full of alt-right people who needed a safe space to discuss their racism and their plan to get rid of non-whites, I highly doubt you find your audience there. – I’m just doing what I can to find the community that will not shun me, so that I can speak and not get yelled at or criticized or name called. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for. If Gab isn’t the forum I’ll look elsewhere, but they promote themselves as a forum for free speech.
- Finally, as for your other comments. while I did get frustrated about the situation and wrote about it in my diary, I did not whine to reddit about being blocked/banned. I was banned and not even told why. I contacted the mods to ask them why I was ban and if I could be reinstated and they muted me. They could have just told me hey you violated this policy you need to cut that out if you want to participate, got it? and I would have listened. I am new to reddit, I don’t know what the rules are. I never said anything outwardly offensive. It’s not like I went around saying White Supremacy Asians suck, I never did that. In fact, my whole point was to show that hey, after all my life lessons, I’m dating an Asian guy I love now. And it is not back hand compliments. They are sincere ones. When my old readers would attack him I would always defend not only him but Asians in general. Here are just a couple of examples:
You asked me about the porn pics on my articles on WordPress, these are the same articles I just brought over from Tumblr – which as you recall Tom asked me to highlight the sexual aspects of – so of course they will have the sexual images. To be clear, I don’t have a problem talking about my sex experiences and they are a very important part of my identity because of my experiences with White men, but I don’t want it to be the undue focus. Yes I use images to make the point I am trying to make, but I don’t throw in the pictures randomly, they accentuate my point, which is in general, that the Whites guys I used to date often saw me as just a sex object, a novelty to try out –BUT that I need more than that and I wanted true love and commitment, that’s why I am with my boyfriend who gives me that. I don’t see how you can read that as being offensive to him or Asians in general.
Also, I tried to listen to that reddit user’s advice on r/Hapa, but literally as she and I were having a discussion, I got banned from posting in the forum. It’s hard to take someone’s advice seriously after you have been banned. Like what could I say then? I couldn’t talk anymore. My voice was silenced.
In the end, I wrote all this just to let you know I have and always was sincere, even if you disapproved of the choices I made – all I ever wanted to do was to be heard and let others like me (which you say is not “special”) know that our situations are not unique and these larger forces shape us in the same way. This is way too complicated to do just to be “white trolling.” If I wanted to do that, I would just agree with everyone who criticizes Asians and endlessly promote Whites, I don’t do that. I actually ran afoul of many White men, because I told them my goals and focus are more than just sex. That I wasn’t looking to cheat on my boyfriend and that I just wanted a platform to share my views and talk seriously about the issues. In fact, recently a user on tumbler basically tried to reduced my views to a White Man fetish when it is so much more than that. It is how film, movies, musicians, influenced my world view and action. It may be old hat to you being a seasoned community member who has “heard it all before” but to me, not having anyone to talk about it, it was something I felt was just wrong with me.
If I were to take your recommendations, change my reddit name, downplay the porn (which I already don’t post on Tumblr anymore), slow down with the linking to my blog, would I be embraced by the hapa forum? I doubt it, I would still not be allowed to speak and people would still call me names, then I’ll be left with no support from the Asian community and no support from the few that currently support me.
I have no interest going back and forth with you or the community anymore on this unless you are sincere about helping me. Otherwise you will just call me a troll for stating my views and I will see you as a troll for basically posting endless criticisms about me – despite the fact I never said anything negative about you or tried to sabotage your character. If the Asian community won’t support me, give me a voice and maybe even guide me if I am not doing things the “right” way, and not immediately ban me, then I will continue to look for other venues like gab and if it doesn’t pan out I will continue. If people will actually put down their preconceived notions for a bit and actually engage in authentic dialogue, I’d be more than happy to accommodate. When Tom care to me for advice, I listened. When @dj281htx advised me, I listened. I just don’t want to change everything and end up with nothing anyway.