My biggest fans are my haters

Dear Diary,

So they say your biggest fans are your haters and I see why now. I literally have haters who check on every single tweet and move I make. Like this user called Rjhd64 on reddit and twitter. He makes tons and tons of post about every single thing I do like some deranged love obsessed stalker who was rejected and now is all butt hurt about it. The most unscrupulous thing this person did is post a list of my followers up trying to shame them for associating with me. He then goes onto post specific insults at my followers/readers who share their opinions/comments about things you don’t agree with. That’s just unethical and low and you want to make me out like I’m the villain? This is America, and there is something called freedom of speech. Especially here in my diary site, my fans should have the right to express their views and not be silenced. Screen Shot 2017-05-09 at 11.47.42 PM

This loser calls me a “White Troll” because that’s the type of term people just throw around to discredit each other in the Asian forums it seems, but I looked it up. The definition of a trolling is “making a deliberately offensive or provocative online post with the aim of upsetting someone or eliciting an angry response from them” – Given the amount of time this user is spending on following my every move and action and making derogatory comments about every thing I do, it would seem he is the one that is trolling and definitely a loser – who else spends so much time stalking someone they disagree with? Add to the fact that he’s supposedly a huge critic of mine but stalks me on everything I do, the irony is laughable. And even more funny…he goes around trying to badmouth me, but besides his immediate circle of people…nobody gives a fuck. LoL.

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8 thoughts on “My biggest fans are my haters

  1. That is the Internet for you.. bunch of keyboard warriors who are insecure about themselves and so they go out of their way to prevoke negativity on anything.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Interesting! I applaud you for at least allowing free speech on your blog even if it’s against you. If I were like your hater/biggest fans, I would check up on every update too since I’m a big fan. I see that some people see you as a troll. Regardless of whether you are a troll or not, you do have some valid points. I would not be surprised if you as an Asian American have those particular thoughts and feelings.

    It used to bother me that Asian American women would subject themselves to similar conditions like you: self-hatred, white worship, degradation of oneself and one’s race, sleeping exclusively with a certain group of people only (for my case, some of the women of my ethnic wanted nothing to do with men of my ethnic), and whatever comes to mind. I used to find it disturbing that Asian women would subject themselves to those types of degrading acts.

    It took me a while but I have come to accept it as true as nature. It is there and it exists even if I ignore it to my best. I do have some questions I like to ask you:

    1) What ethnic Asian group do you belong to? (For example, are you Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, or a mixture of some sort)

    2) I read through some of the posts and it seems that you have an Asian boyfriend. Is your boyfriend aware of your blog/past and has he read some of the posts by you? If so, I like to know his reactions/responses.

    3) You mentioned that the Asian American community rejects you. Could that explain why you have such feelings towards being Asian?

    4) How do you feel towards Asian guys like your boyfriend and me? If I were your boyfriend, I would never give you a chance if I knew about your history. Then again if I remember correctly, it was him who asked you out and you accepted his request to be boyfriend/girlfriend.

    By the way, I’ll try to stay updated with your blog. I find it interesting although I would probably disassociate myself with Asian American women like you. Just kidding about the last part. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • My whole point is that it is not our fault that society structures shape us to view things a certain way. It creates feelings in us and socialize us to see White as the norm and standards of beauty and wish to assimilate to be more “American.”
      To answer your questions, I am Japanese/Irish, no my boyfriend is not aware of my blog. I talk a lot about my exes in it and I don’t think talking about exes with a current significant other ever goes over well.
      My feelings of being Asian is more related to my sense of identity as shaped by socialization and I think I felt more of the rejection from the Asian community when I started to date White or discuss my experiences and views. Although being Hapa I always felt like I was never fully included in the community to begin with, even when I tried. I never purposely insulted Asians and I wish Asians no ill will. Finally, I’m not sure what you mean by your last question. I like Asians, obviously, I’m dating one and I have lots of guy friends who are Asians. Many of my fans who reach out to me are also Asian men, but they often feel shunned from the larger Asian population because they have been affected by socialization same way as I did, so they choose not to speak up publicly in fear of backlash.


      • That’s new. I never knew you were a Hapa – Half Irish and Half Japanese. All along, I thought you were full Asian to begin with. This definitely explains a lot to me already. When I look at the Asian community, it divides itself into more communities: Chinese, Japanese, Koreans, Vietnamese, Filipino, Thai, and so on. These Asian communities don’t usually care about the other Asians outside of their communities unless there is a common interest or the Asian is from their respective community. For examples, Japanese Americans care only for Japanese Americans. Japanese Americans do not care about Chinese, Koreans, Vietnamese, or any other Asian. The same can be said about Chinese, Koreans, Vietnamese, and so on. By following this observation, I would not be surprised if all Asian communities reject you. The only Asian community you could possibly be accepted into is the Japanese American community. This is only my observation and it may not be true for all cases.

        Some Asians see Hapa as “disgraceful mutts.” They’re a mix of Whites and Asians, which means tainted and filthy without any definite roots and identity. Remember that some Asians are seen as traitors when they go outside of their community and/or race. Their children would be a reminder of their treason against their community/race. In your case, your mom would be considered as a traitor to her race. You, asianamericangfonskype, would be a reminder of your mom’s betrayal to her race and community. This means that your race/community see you as a race traitor the moment you were born. By praising Whites and doing/giving all of yourself to Whites, you only further reinforce the Asian community’s perception of you as a race traitor. And what do Asians do once they find out someone in their community is a traitor? Ridicule them, silence them, disregard them, ignore them, and reject them.

        But why should the Asian community reject you when you’re not in control of how you were born and who you were born to? And shouldn’t you have the freedom to date anyone you want without any backlash?

        Of course, you can just never ignore your White side. You’re a Hapa which means you’re White too. Since you’re part White, it would be natural for you to choose Whites over Asians. Many mixed people often identify with their fathers because of the father’s last name and the father’s ethnicity. If the father is Irish, they’ll identify more with Irish. If the Father is Japanese, they’ll identify more with Japanese. And if the father is Black, they’ll identify more with Black. And so on.

        What I meant by my last question is: If you’re more into your White heritage and side, why did you all of a sudden give a chance to an Asian? It just doesn’t make any sense for an Asian girl who only sees Whites as potential partners to give a chance to an Asian guy. How can you overplay your White side and yearning for Whites while dating an Asian guy? Wouldn’t that be going against your interest and who you are? If you are giving chances to an Asian guy after all these times, doesn’t it seem like you’re just only using the Asian guy and not genuinely in love with him? If a better White guy came along, would you immediately drop your Asian boyfriend for the White guy? And why can’t you be honest with your current Asian boyfriend about your blog/feelings/past? Then again, some things are better to be kept secret and in the dark until later.

        What I also meant by my last question is that I along with some Asian guys have high standard. We do not go around having sex with just about anybody. In return, we expect the same from our partners. If I ever get an Asian girlfriend and discover that she has a past history of sleeping with White guys or with any race of men, then it’s grounds for immediate rejection. I would cut all contact and move on. What would your current Asian boyfriend do if he finds out about this blog and your past and your true feelings?

        By the way, I almost forgot to ask: Are you more Asian-looking or White-looking? And would you be willing to share some photos of yourself?

        Sorry for the long response.


  3. I mentioned that I’m Hapa in some of my old blog entries, you must have missed it. No, I don’t really talk to my bf about the issues, one as I mentioned because I don’t really talk about my exes with any significant other really, and two because my diary shares a lot of my sexual experiences with others and im sure he would not like reading that. I think what you are talking about is true in the sense that many Asians are more traditional so my background may be off-putting, but from an American perspective, you can’t really be judged for something that happened before you were with your significant other. I imagine some day in the future, I would tell him, before we tie the knot, especially because as you say, it may be something that will really bother him. Which I think it might.

    Lastly, I am mixed looking lol, but people can tell I’m Asian – that’s why I don’t really self identify as White like i used to. I would be wiling to share my pic with people I trust, obviously I have to be more cautious ever since the wave of hate came my way.


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