Misunderstood Between Worlds

Dear Diary,

I think it must be a curse of being mixed to never really fit in or be accepted/understood by either worlds. Too White to be seen as Asian, but too many Asian features to be seen as White. This dynamic would continue to exist and spill into my attempts to find support from a community. For instance, my misunderstandings with the Asian online communities have already been well documented but I haven’t discussed much about my misunderstandings with some Whites. Where many of the Asians felt my every action was an attempt to troll or somehow subvert the Asian community, many White guys often assumed my every motivation was sexual – despite me explaining to them that I have a boyfriend I love, I get messages such as:

“From a User: Here’s the situation: you have a fetish for white people. There’s nothing wrong with that. More power to you if you love white people. You’re sexually attracted to white cock and think about it all the time. That’s cool, everyone got their preferences. The big problem with you is that you’re dating some lowly asian men and try to convince yourself that you’re “happy” with him in a “loving relationship”. Stop fucking bullshitting yourself. YOU ARE NOT HAPPY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP….I got a question for you: If you had your perfect white husband right now, would you really create that stupid blog of yours? Please answer that question. You obviously want some white dick but you chose to settle down with some asian cuck because you’re too lazy to find some decent white man. Now that makes you sexually frustrated and makes you create some pathetic blog about race relations that you know nothing of.”

It seems people make assumptions before even trying to hear you (or they just ignore what you say – you can say you are happy with your boyfriend and they will say you are not), but perhaps part of this was my fault, for turning to Tumblr to increase my connections and find like minded, but in the end confused people as my message was often lost in the sea of porn re-blogs to get noticed. This is the reason I left Tumblr. Although I became increasingly popular there as Tom mentioned I would based on his instructions, the confusion would have just continued.

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